


does she know that we bleed the same

by denouement



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25454212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denouement/pseuds/denouement
Summary: "She kept trying to tell herself that she did not fail, that she did the right thing, that that was the only way out, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Not when she had to deal with her weak body, with her inability to do anything of what She-ra did. The truth that hurt the most and that Adora always tried to escape from was staring her in the eyes and begging to be looked at, and she was running out of places to hide."or,A late night, after breaking the sword, losing Glimmer - and Catra - and with Prime gaining ground, Adora does some thinking.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 41





	does she know that we bleed the same

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first work for this fandom, and it's just a short character study for where I think Adora's headspace might be around 501, with a bit of gay yearning lmao. English is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes here. I hope you all enjoy :)
> 
> you can find me on tt @giantswordlady
> 
> title is from where's my love by SYML

Adora woke up with a start in the middle of the night. The bright colors and the lights still burned behind her eyes, calling her to something she couldn’t quite place. The moment she realized what was happening, however, she tried to slow down her breathing, seeing Bow still asleep on the bed beside hers. Good, at least one of them was getting some rest. She knew he was doing his best to get her to sleep, taking to putting his cot beside hers to make sure she at least tried, but he wasn’t getting any himself. She could see it in the growing bags under his eyes, on the number of times he found her under the stars and tried to coax her back into sleeping. She knew from the ticking of the clock he made a point to keep in their tent, just to show how little she was sleeping - barely three hours this night, apparently. Two hours and 47 minutes, if she was being exact. 

The worry for Glimmer was eating away at them both. It had been a little over 2 months since Adora broke the sword and since Glimmer got taken by Horde Prime, and they had absolutely no news whatsoever on that front. All they knew was that the Prime Clones were now ravaging villages and taking everyone that went against them as prisoners. Adora could feel the bile at the back of her throat just thinking about this entire situation. How it was all, somehow, her fault. 

She slowly got up from the bed and made her way outside, grabbing her staff that stood on the other side of her bed, for easy access, in case they had to leave in a hurry. Adora knew it wasn’t a good idea, that she was risking herself and, potentially, all of them, but she also knew she could handle herself, and she knew that the Woods would protect her. Even after breaking the Sword, _that_ was something she didn’t think she lost. The Woods still felt the same. As if they were cloaking her, hugging her, singing her songs and easing her worries. 

So that’s where she went, hoping that standing at the edge of the protection spell was enough, and that sweating a bit and the mechanical repetition of training would somehow tire her enough for a sleep without dreams. Or for her to stop thinking, at least. That’s what she could afford the least right now: thinking. Thinking meant the unwavering weight of guilt, the self doubt, the hatred, and she couldn’t have that on top of everything else. She held the staff losely and started - top back and down, up and front, and up and behind her head, and then front again - her favorite defense sequence. She made a point to count her steps, the swings of her hips, the movement of her arms, even though she had mastered this one by the time she had been 7. 

It didn’t last long, though, cause soon she was noticing the difference. It had been so long since her weapon of choice had been her staff, she couldn’t help feeling like it was too light, her movement’s too free, her feet too quick. It had been almost three years since she last fought like this. Of course, she kept her training up to date, but not like this. Not because she had no other options, not… not because she _failed_. 

She kept trying to tell herself that she did not fail, that she did the right thing, that that was the only way out, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Not when she had to deal with the hopeless eyes of the villagers anywhere they went, of the whispers of “ _where is She-ra”_ and “ _she has failed us_ ”. Not when she had to deal with her weak body, with her inability to do anything of what She-ra did. The truth that hurt the most and that Adora always tried to escape from was staring her in the eyes and begging to be looked at, and she was running out of places to hide. 

Her staff got caught in her own leg on a downswing and she fell down, hitting her back hard. The impact made tears spring to her eyes, and she didn’t know if it was from pain - pain which she felt a lot more of now, as well - or from the murky waters of her thoughts. Adora took a deep breath and the next thing she knows, she is crying. She just stays there, looking at the stars, almost none of them visible there through the trees, and for a second, she marvels on everything they have accomplished.

The stars.

Everything they have accomplished _with She-ra._

Not Adora. 

She closed her eyes, but that only seemed to make the tears come more and more. 

The truth was that she was expendable, _useless_ . Adora was useless. The truth was that she fooled herself enough to think that maybe _, just maybe_ , if she spent long enough being She-ra, giving all of herself to everyone else, saving the world, shedding her skin and becoming _light_ , that at some point it would be _her turn._ That at some point she would be enough, that at some point the world would look at her and say “ _You did enough, Adora. You can rest now.”_

She was so foolish. 

The truth was that the world would never need _Adora._ Not even her friends could see _her_ , and at this point, she was not sure if there was any Adora left to be seen at all. She had been shedding herself, giving herself away, doing what needed to be done, _letting go,_ and now she didn’t know what was left. Not even She-ra was left. Adora was a vessel for a fucking _goddess_ , and now, she couldn’t even do that. She truly managed to fuck up everything she touched. The Horde won, the resistance had fallen, Glimmer was missing, and Catra… 

If she were being honest, that was her worst mistake and her biggest pain, Catra. 

Late at night, sometimes, when she couldn’t fall asleep, she let herself fantasize. Funny how in her weakest moment she was looking for comfort in dreams about her worst enemy. A world where she had never discovered the Sword, a world where they both had run, left, built a life of their own, living together till their old days. A world where Catra still looked at her like she looked at her _before,_ with eyes full of love and all these other things Adora kept ignoring because they were too dark, vulnerable, too much to handle. Things that resembled pain, anguish, hatred. Things that were now all there was in the looks they shared. Things that too often were reflected in her own eyes. 

Adora wondered how much of it was her own fault. After almost three years fighting on opposite sides, she could see so much that she didn’t before, and she felt like an idiot. She had promised Catra so much, and she had failed her again and again. She had promised her protection, and she couldn’t even give her a voice. She ignored Catra’s pain on the way of trying to ignore her own, and, with that, she tainted _them_. The resentment had festered, and grown, and now all that was left of them was this ugly, twisted amalgamation of rotten, deep seated anguish. It hurt to look at. It hurt to think. 

Adora didn’t blame herself for the path Catra took, she knew very well how her _friend_ made sure to do however she pleased, but she often wondered if the same would’ve happened if she had _paid attention._ They were children, there was not much she could’ve done but… Still. 

Catra deserved better than what she gave her. She could understand why the person she once shared everything with, now wanted nothing to do with her. 

But still she worried. Because Catra hadn’t been heard of since Prime’s arrival. Adora hoped, she hoped beyond belief, that she was just simply raising ranks again, making a name for herself before Prime. She refused to think of any other option. 

Because any other option meant losing Catra, to the point of no return. They had both done and said terrible things to each other, hurt too much, cut too deep, but still, Adora knew that if they only so wanted, they could come back from it. She wished so, at least. She wished more than she thought she deserved, keeping it locked, deep within herself, because, what would everyone think if Adora said that what she truly wanted was _Catra?_ What would the world that she was supposed to save - _from Catra_ \- say?

Before she could continue on her line of thought, a twig broke behind her, and Adora was up and ready the next second, staff posed protectively in front of herself. 

“Hey, it’s just me.” Bow said, walking up to her. 

Adora smiled at him and let her hand fall back beside her body.  
  
“Sorry if I woke you up.” 

Bow raised an eyebrow. 

“I think that by the sweat you’ve already worked, you’ve been here for quite some time. Pretty sure you’re not the one responsible for me being awake.” 

Bow slowly laid on the ground, looking up, much like Adora had been doing a moment before. She just watched, afraid of the conversation that was for sure about to follow. 

Adora had been trying to avoid Bow as much as she could without hurting him. Trying to change topics as soon as their conversations got anywhere past the day to day stuff. She tried to avoid talking about feelings at all, Adora was not ready to see his reaction when he for sure blamed her for Glimmer being missing, for them not being able to save her again. Bow was all Adora had left, and she wasn’t ready to lose him too. 

“You know we're gonna save them, right?” 

Adora looked over at Bow, and he tapped the space beside him. With a sigh, she sat down, hugging her legs tight. 

“Them?”

“Glimmer and Catra. Everyone”

“Ca- everyone?”

The kindness in Bow’s eyes when he looked at her again and grasped her hand in his to give it a reassuring squeeze brought tears to Adora’s eyes. She looked back to the sky, willing them away. 

“Everyone. We are gonna bring them all back. We are gonna save Etheria. We are gonna win, Adora. And Glimmer is gonna be there with us. You really think she is gonna miss our final battle, the one where you destroy Prime? She would never!” 

They both laugh, reminiscing on the memories of a Glimmer that won’t go down without a fight, a Glimmer that makes up for in passion for any fighting skills she may be lacking. Glimmer, who brought them both together. 

Glimmer who is _not here_. 

The laughter soon feels heavy, wrong, and it dies down. Left is just two people who lost everything, grasping onto each other as strongly as they can. Friends, with nowhere else to turn to. 

And, in that moment, Adora trusts. 

“What if I can’t, Bow? What if this is it? What If I broke She-ra? What if… What if I’m the one that is broken?” 

Bow looks at her for a long moment, and then turns back to the sky. Adora’s heart aches, the loss ever present in silence suddenly starting to drown her. 

This is not good. This is _not_ good. She shouldn’t have said anything. Adora is about to get up, run, disappear before it all finishes falling apart to try and do this on her own, just so she doesn’t have to deal with _this_ fallout on top of everything else. Bow is her last thread of sanity, her last ally, she can’t _-_

“I miss her every night, you know?” 

Adora’s head whips around, looking at Bow again. His words were so unexpected that they calmed her thoughts. He seems to be lost in his own mind, a small, sad smile playing on his lips. He doesn’t seem to want an answer, so Adora says nothing. She just waits. 

“I mean, I miss her everyday, all the time, but the most at night. These past three years I kinda got used to always sleeping close to Glimmer, hearing the noises she makes at night, being able to reach out and know she will be there in the sleeping bag next to mine. That’s what’s worst for me, I think. The lack of comfort. The small things.” 

Adora just nods. 

“Sometimes I don’t know if I’m allowed to. I was right there, Adora. If I had arrived a moment before, Glimmer would still be here. It’s been two months, and I still keep running over every moment in my mind, trying to find out what I could’ve done differently.” 

“It’s not your fault, Bow.” 

“Yeah, and neither is yours.” 

Adora lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Suddenly, Bow’s hands on hers feel scorching, like they are too heavy, like they shouldn’t be here, like she doesn’t deserve the comfort they are offering. 

Bow squeezes her hands, as if feeling her anguish. His eyes never leave the stars, though. 

“I think the hardest part is living with our actions knowing that they cost us dearly but that there was nothing we could’ve done differently.”

Adora sucks in a breath and closes her eyes, letting Bow’s words wash over her. She wants to hold onto their comfort, she wants to believe him, but everything in her screams and yells and _hates._

“I don’t know, Bow. What’s the point of having all this power if I can’t do anything with it? What is the point of being She-ra when _I_ am so… _weak_?”

At this, Bow finally turns to her, putting his hands under his head, like a pillow. Adora goes back to hugging her knees, the vulnerability feeling a bit too much, even now. Even with Bow. 

“Adora, why do you think you’re weak?” 

“I… If I was strong enough we would still have She-ra. I would be able to do what needs to be done.” 

Bow takes a long time thinking over her words. Adora’s eyes kept trained on the floor, too scared to look anywhere else. 

“I think… that if anyone else had been She-ra, we wouldn’t be here right now. You are the one who brought us together, who gave us strength to form the Alliance, Adora. Not She-ra, _you_. You are the one who is a great strategist, a really good leader - even if you do tend to jump too fast into things, don’t get me wrong - an awesome friend, and, personally, if it wasn’t for you, Adora, I don’t know how I would be doing. Worse than I am right now, that’s for sure.” 

Adora picked up a twig from the floor and started running it between the grass.

“I think it’s hard to see myself that way. You know, long history of being told ‘ _You have great things ahead of you, Adora. Don’t disappoint me.’_ and all that.”

Her imitation of Shadow Weaver’s voice makes Bow let out a small, humourless laugh. 

“I think parent’s expectations have that effect on us." After a silent beat, Bow completes "You really think you are only what Shadow Weaver made of you?” 

“No.”

“Yeah, me neither.” 

A lull overcomes them, and they just listen to the sounds of the Whispering Woods, with its humming magic and crawling life. Bit by bit, Adora can feel sleep clouding her thoughts, her eyes dropping, the only thing registering to her tired brain being Bow’s breaths and the sounds of nature. 

“Hey, Adora? I think we should go back to camp.” 

When she opens her eyes, Bow is standing over her, offering a hand. She fell sideways, and her shoulder hurts from being in a weird angle too long. 

“Yeah, I think my shoulder would appreciate a bed right about now.” 

Bow helps her up, smiling. Adora massages her shoulder as they start walking back. 

“Come on, tomorrow we got things to plan. We gotta win this. We will.”

Smiling, Adora tangles her and Bow’s arm. 

“Yeah, we will.”

She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, or if they would win, after all. But for now, having a friend by her side, who beieved in her, was enough. 


End file.
